The PA Report - The Xbox One will kill used games and control second-hand sales, and that’s great news (Really!)
Oh hey look, the first of what I’m sure will be hundreds of articles over the next few months that boil down to “It’s great you’re getting fucked over! We should all be happy about how wildly anti-consumer the Xbox One is! Hooray for the loss of privacy and property rights!”.
If the pathetically desperate justifications weren’t bad enough. Kuchera claims that somehow this will cause prices to fall, even though the price of digital games remains the same and doesn’t fall any faster even though they are also rigidly controlled.
Of course, this is the same petty, angry churnalist who thinks switching his twitter icon to ‘deal w/ it’ is a mature response to valid criticism.
So what would we expect.
Female presenter sighted at XBox-One reveal
Kotaku contributors curse under their breath and delete the articles they were in the middle of writing.
Mario Party, A Game For People Who Want To Watch The World Burn
I’ve never met a person who likes Mario Party, the digital board game featuring iconic Nintendo characters. I mean, I know people who do like the games exist; we’re up to, what, Mario Party 9 now? Someone is buying these things.
Considering, Miss Hernandez, that your circle is Kotaku, and the content posted on Kotaku, I would argue that nobody in your circle likes video games at all.
Otherwise, what an unfathomably stupid article.
This Is Why We Should Never, Ever Have Patricia Hernandez Write For A Website
Marcus Beer is now officially my hero. I’m glad someone had the guts to call Kotaku out for all their crap.
[ ] Not told
[X] FUCKIN’ TOLD
[X] Neon Genesis Evangelitold
[X] Cowboy Betold
[X] Told metal Alchemist
[X] Tolden Boy
[X] Record of Toldoss War
[X] My Neighbor Toldtoro
[X] My Little Sister can’t be this Told
[X] Fate/Stay Told
[X] Told aru majutsu no Index
[X] Azumanga Daitold
[X] Told Love-ru
[X] Dragon Told Z
[X] Panty & Stocking with Gartoldbelt
[X] Told Piece
[X] Fist of the Told Star
[X] Toldtami galaxy
[X] Space Battleship YamaTOLD
[X] Yami wo Kirisaku TOOOOOLD DESIIIIIRE
[X] Kara no Toldkai
[X] Puella Magi Matolda Magica
[X] Zero no Toldkaima
[X] Toldere (b-b-baka! Its not like I got told for YOU or anything)
[X] Ore no Funimation konna ni Told wake ga nai
[X] Kamijou Told-ya
[X] Urotsukidoji Legend of the Tolderfiend
[X] JIBUN TOOOOOOOOOOLD
[X] KIMI DAKE TOLD
[X] OMAE TOLD
[X] Digimon Told Wars
[X] Tengen Toldpa Gurren Lagann
Oh look, Brian Ashcraft is a fucking illiterate uneducated fuck, who knew!
they must write for the intellects because I obviously don’t understand why this exists
When they wrote this article, only themselves and God knew it’s meaning.
Now, only God knows.
WHAT THE FUCK, KOTAKU
Some narcissists are bad. Not all of them, though! Some narcissists are amazing. Take Ahmed Angel, for example.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, KOTAKU?
THIS ISN’T EVEN WITHIN SIX DEGREES OF VIDEO GAMES
THIS IS NOTHING. THIS IS LESS THAN NOTHING.
YOU CAN’T EVEN ARGUE. IF VIDEO GAMES AND THIS WERE ON A VENN DIAGRAM THERE WOULD BE NO OVERLAP
TWO SEPARATE CIRCLES
This Would Be a Hell of a Story
If it were actually real. You see, Lucia doesn’t exist. Someone like her may somewhere, but the person in question doesn’t, because I know the person who sent this story to Kotaku as a social experiment to see if they’d bite. My friends and I have been laughing about it days before this article appeared, knowing it was coming.
I won’t finger who did it, but I will said well played. Kotaku really is this fucking awful, that they will report stories that don’t exist if they really want to believe them.
Kotaku is like a parody of a journalist on the Simpsons. Human Interest stories! They tug at the heart, and cloud the mind.